Recently, some friends of mine received a call that a relative had died. It was sudden, unexpected, and even worse, it was a suicide. It’s hard enough to grieve through the passing of a loved one, but this is devastating. All deaths lead us to unanswered questions, yet when a suicide is involved, it seems the questions grow darker.
The Church adopted its initial stance on suicide when St. Augustine wrote his classic work The City of God. In this work, Augustine condemns suicide is another form of murder based on the commandment “thou shalt not murder.” Thomas Aquinas took it a step further by stating that suicide was a sin for which there was no repentance. Soon, the Church then began to refuse burial to suicide victims, as it was clear that the person would not be seen in the world to come for their sin.
Thankfully, modern Christianity has softened a bit on this stance. It is a complicated issue that deserves a better response than an overreaching policy of coldheartedness. Let’s go deeper than the obvious fact that suicide is wrong. If suicide is sin, then doesn’t Christ’s atonement cover this sin too? If you will recall, the Unpardonable Sin does not mention suicide. There are only seven instances of suicide in the Scriptures and none of them mention the eternal results.
Bottom line: We just don’t know where suicides go. We are not the decision makers, and the Decision Maker has reserved the right to come to His own conclusions without our knowledge or input. All death hurts. Every separation is an ugly reminder of the sinful state of the earth after the sinful fall of man. We need not add to it by casting blame on the departed or the ones left behind. What can we change now anyway? Only the hearts of those still alive, and that will not happen by attaching an impossible weight of guilt and terror onto their necks.
God be with you my friends as you grieve.
Have you ever lost someone you love? How did you walk through the grief?
I can hardly write this email due to the fact that I am bawling ( when am I not? hahaha) I just want to tell you that I have never been more proud to call you MY Pastor. appreciate your courage in writing this. Thank you.
I just wrote what I know to be true. You live the truth out every day. I’m proud of you! May God continue to bless you and your family.
This is a very good topic to write about. I recently lost someone close to me, not from a suicide but, due to some very wrong decisions that led to an accidental death. It’s pretty easy for people to judge on items such as this, current sin before death and whether they get into heaven. It’s good to put us in perspective with the real Judge.
I think I walked through the grief process pretty well by talking about it and his life, his strengths, and the impact he’s had that I can use positively for the Kingdom of God.
You’re right. It’s best to focus on the positive. What can be done now on this end anyway? My Bible class teacher in high school had a rebuttal that she used whenever she couldn’t answer our questions, and I find myself falling back to this statement a lot. “God is just.”
I will live and die by that phrase. I don’t understand it completely, but I know that it’s true.
this is a subject that is very close to my heart.ihave lost one cousin,3 friends,and tried it myself. my family got gobs of the smilie face stickers,and would stick them to everything and those stickers would reminde us of our cousin.when friends die it is different.we never see it come.so you cant cope because bein best friends you are suppose to know the answers but they are not there.not until all the puzzle pieces are layed can you come up with answers. sorry its alittle late
Thank you for your heartfelt, hope-filled comment, Nicole! That sounds like a very healthy way to remember your loved ones and to grieve the loss. We don’t have the answers about death and suicide, but we do have some precious promises from Jesus that comfort is on the way.
I have lost 2 loved ones to suicide. My mother has lost more. I find some solace in the fact that our heavenly father said we have only to ask with our heart and he will welcome us with open arms. I can’t imagine anyone in their final moment of reality not calling out to him. Even if they can’t do it verbally.
Keep hope alive in your heart. God is the judge and we do not know where our loved ones will be until we reach the other side. For those of us still here, we must work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, as Peter says. In other words, we must endeavor to keep our relationship with Christ on good terms. With His mercy and grace, this is more than possible!