We’ve all heard it said that Christianity “…is a relationship, not a religion.” Is that really true? If it is, then why is it that some people seem to have an incredible relationship with God while others don’t? I’ve always felt that this Christian cliche is way too simplistic to be of much use. Christianity is religion; religion fueled by a relationship.

Yesterday, I was able to speak to a friend whom I’ve not seen for years. We grew up together in the same school and church, yet chose very different paths when our paths became our own. When I asked him what role God played in his life now, he gave me an unexpected answer: “Growing up, I felt that the whole church thing was a bunch of do’s and don’t's. Everyone kept saying, ‘It’s a relationship, not a religion,’ but when I would talked to God, I felt like I received no answers. In my mind, in a relationship, communication is both ways.”

Everyone in the church appeared to have this “relationship” except him, and so he concluded that Christianity truly is about do’s and don’t's and that these people–albeit sincere–were deluding themselves into the belief that there was a friendship involved to make following these rules easier. With this understanding, he began to decide which commandments from the Bible he would follow based on their practical and ethical logic. If the rule did not have a rational purpose, he did not follow it, and now his life has taken some cruel turns, and he’s feeling out of control. His list of do’s and don’t's have failed. His logical way of life has left him empty and wanting. It would seem that the advice given him in the church would be what he needs to hear right now. Get a relationship. But it would neither help nor heal.

Understandably, my friend had grown disillusioned with the popular catch phrase touted by well-meaning people in their effort to make a relationship with God both desirable and easy. The problem with that phrase is that the idea of a relationship with God honestly isn’t that desirable for those who have never been a friend of God, and beginning a relationship with God is never easy. When a friend of mine suggests that I become friends with someone whom I do not know, I normally cringe wondering whether this would be a good thing or not. The same is true with God. Just because someone tells me that I can have a relationship with God doesn’t necessarily mean that I want one.

What most people miss, and what my old friend doesn’t realize yet, is that a relationship with God must start with the knowledge of what He did for us, an understanding of the magnitude of the kindness of God showed to us in what He did, a belief that what He did was enough and a gratitude that would force us to our knees in thankfulness. For example, if someone asked me to be friends with someone I don’t know, I would hesitate. However, if that same stranger had paid off my student loans, and I had the opportunity to be his friend, I would love to meet him! God has done something all at once marvelous and beautiful when He gave His Son to die in our place. He took our punishment; He paid our debt to God. If we truly understand that, why wouldn’t we want a relationship with Him? But we must get the horse before the cart.

Religion is that essential protocol needful for one to realize what God has done. One must approach God with a heart of gratitude in order to have a relationship, and religion is that precious thing which teaches us gratitude through its careful observance of ceremony, law and tradition. Without the “rules” of religion, we could never hope to have a meaningful relationship with God, because we would never know what He has done for us. Religion makes the way for relationship, and relationship keeps religion alive and vibrant. Rather than being mutually exclusive, they are mutually dependent. Once we understand this, our religion and relationship with God will be all the more complete.

What do you think? How do you see it?