Category Archives: Personal Spirituality

All things concerning my personal walk and faith in the Messiah, Jesus.

4 Ways to Pick Friends

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Everyone needs friends to succeed in life. Having friends is not the option. The option is our friends themselves. Those with whom I spend my time are the recipients of a choice determined by none other then myself. In fact, I am also the recipient of my own determination of company. My decision can either bring me renewed blessings or continual frustration.

What a heavy decision this is! Those who surround me are the shield against the buffeting, negative forces of life. Those who lift me up with eager hands are the bridge upon which I travel to my destiny. Those who encourage me become the food my soul desperately needs to live.

It’s not wisdom to know that one needs friends. That’s a simple observation. Wisdom is in the knowing how to choose good friends. Here’s four ways in which I’ve seen myself and others choose friends. They may be good, or they may be bad. But that’s your choice.

Fraternal. Some choose friends merely on the location in which they find themselves in life. If they’re in college, all of their friends are from that college. If they have a job, all of their friends are coworkers. This is an opportunistic approach to friendship. It’s assumed that if you’re in the same boat, than you must be friends, just like Facebook networks.

These friendships are quickly made and quickly lost. It’s easy to transfer friendships with each new place thereby avoiding any inconvenience of keeping up with the past and all its nastiness.

Critical. Others choose friends based on the standards of an interminably long, invisible list. They have a tight group of friends who reflect their morals, preferences and opinions. These people view their friends as a direct extension of their personality and thus carefully vet out any friendship that would inappropriately represent them. If they are jocks, they can’t have nerd friends. If they are professionals, they can’t be seen with blue-collar workers.

The best use of critically-chosen friendships is to maintain the present comfort level of the one picking their friends. When friends are chosen so critically, there is little room for diversity. This circle of friends is a homogenous group where change is looked upon as treason to the standards of the friendship and is grounds for dismissal.

Experiential. Many of us choose friends is by going through experiences with others (I certainly do). We wait until the forces of life dump us together with someone in a foxhole facing a common enemy before we know who our friends are. A bond forms between two souls around the fact that they always have “that moment” where they faced and conquered insurmountable odds together. This is the touchstone they always come back to if the friendship falls awry.

Although experiential friendships enjoy a tight bond, they have a tendency to grow stale. Once “that moment” is over there is nothing else for the friends to share. Soon, they become two old birds squawking the same stories over and over in hopes that the same feelings they had will surface again.

Strategic. Few people choose their friends strategically. Strategic friendships begin with a relationship with one’s self. These friendships are struck within the soul of a person before another soul is met. When one chooses friends strategically, they are cultivating friendships based on an intimate knowledge of who they are and whom they are to become.

If a professional wants to learn the value of an honest day’s work, he finds a blue collar friend. If a poor man wishes to be wealthy, he finds a friend who has money and grows it. If a believer wishes to grow in Christ, she finds a mature Christian to spend time with.

Strategic friendships may present themselves by two people being in the same location, world-view, or situation; but they are cultivated due to a desire to grow and change. This desire for change only comes after knowing one’s own limitations and potential.

I want to choose my friends strategically, because I know who I am and I know where I’m going.

How do you normally choose your friends? What are strategic friendships that you need?

What Else Everyone Should Know About Baptism

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In my last post, What Everyone Should Know About Baptism, I made the point that the Christian rite of baptism is an immersion that changes the very nature of a person. They go in the water a sinner, and come out a saint. Don’t get me wrong. Baptized Christians have a long way to go to be perfect, but baptism is one of the primary steps to becoming perfect in Christ.

There is so much to know about baptism! If we knew what this amazing sacrament was all about, we would have run to the waters when we first believed, and we would be dragging new converts to the baptismal (If your church does this and you’re involved, I applaud you!). Here is the next thing I believe everyone should know about baptism.

Baptism is death.

Yup. Every person I have immersed in Christian baptism has been “killed dead.” And a new person is raised from the water. Check out what Paul says in Romans 6:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

Baptism is the public demonstration of repentance. The believer being baptized is showing everyone his or her decision to repent of sinful ways of thought and behavior and their reliance on the Holy Spirit to lead them in living a Christian life.

Those who come to baptism waters without repenting of their sinful way of life are still in danger of encountering the wrath of God. The Apostle Peter said this:

After being made alive,[d] he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits— 20 to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, 21 and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God.[e] It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ…

Peter makes the analogy that the waters of baptism are like the waters that flooded the earth in the days of Noah. The flood waters were the judgement of God on a sinful, wretched planet. In the same way, baptism waters represent the judgement of God upon the earth!

However, like Noah, God calls us to–not away from–the waters of His judgement. Noah was saved through the waters by his faith in God. God told him to build an ark. Noah knew nothing about arks or floods, but he built the ark anyway–120 years of his life! We, too, are saved through the waters by our faith in the resurrection of Jesus.

So, hold a funeral at the next baptism, if you think the old man is worth crying over.

What Everyone Should Know About Baptism

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There is a short list of things that all believers in Jesus the Messiah must do to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I think God likes it that way, because He wants Heaven to be cram packed with the people He created with His own hands. We call these things sacraments. One of them is the Sacrament of Baptism.

Most people in America have witnessed a baptism at a church or on television. Even more people have heard of it. However, if we did a confidential survey of everyone who claimed to be a Christian, I think we would be shocked at the numbers of people who strive to follow Christ’s teachings, yet have never come to the waters of baptism.

This past Sunday I preached a message entitled Come to the Waters. Praise be to God, three souls presented themselves for baptism that very day! One of them, who lives 50 minutes one way from our church, drove home thinking he would come the following Sunday to be baptized. To my great surprise, he showed up at our church Sunday night and told me:

Pastor, at first I was going to wait to be baptized. But after hearing your message this morning, I had to come back and be baptized. I can’t wait for tomorrow to come!

All of the three we baptized this past Sunday came to saving faith in Jesus years ago, and they just now came to the waters. What has gone wrong? Why do we not emphasize this beautiful sacrament the way that Peter did in his first epistle (chapter 3 verse 21)?

…and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God.[e] It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ…

I feel that largely, there is a great ignorance among independent churches concerning the import and benefits of baptism. Here is one thing that I believe everyone should know about baptism.

Baptism is an immersion which entirely changes the individual coming to the waters.

There are two words for immersion in the Greek language–bapto and baptizo. The Greek word translated as “to baptize” in our English Bibles is baptizo. To understand what these words meant in the ancient world, let’s look at how the Greek poet and physician Nicander used the words in his recipe for pickles. Nicander tells us that we must first immerse (bapto) the cucumber into boiling water. Then, he says to immerse (baptizo) the cucumber in the vinegar solution. In the first case, the cucumber came out of the water still a cucumber. In the second case, the cucumber came out a pickle. Forever and irrevocably changed.

When you bapto something, its essence remains the same, only it’s wet. But when you baptizo something its essence changes and there is nothing similar about it to what was immersed in the liquid. This is what happens when someone is baptized into Christ. They are to never be the same!

There are many people who claim to be Christians, yet their lives are no different than before they claimed faith in Jesus. When we fulfill the sacrament of baptism, we are completely changed, and must live a new life. Otherwise, we are simply wet.

I Need a Rose

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My wife, Ana, really likes to watch the TV show The Bachelorette. If you don’t know, it’s this show where guys audition to get on the show and compete for the affections of a young woman. The wild thing is that these guys don’t know who the bachelorette will be until they arrive at the house they will be living in while wooing her. Although I’d like to say that I watch it with her only because she likes it, there are times when I really get into it too. Like last night, for instance.

Through the dating process on live television, this hoard of hunky dudes (Did you really think they’d cast ugly ducklings for the show? Heaven forbid.) compete in certain challenges and on private dates to win her heart. The way that she rewards the ones she likes is by giving them a rose. This signifies that they are one of her favorites at the moment and are safe from being eliminated that week.

Elimination is the biggest fear for all of the fellows, whether they actually like the bachelorette or not. No one wants to be rejected.

Last night, the “challenge” the bachelorette gave these guys was to roast her at a local comedy club (A “roast” is a genre of comedy where one person is chosen to be teased, mocked and ridiculed in the most hilarious way possible.). The bachelors were sweating it out trying to figure how to make fun of the bachelorette in a  way that would endear her to them. They weren’t doing so bad until the last one came up. His words decimated her–on national TV.

I came on this show thinking that I was going to be dating Emily, but instead it was Ashley.

No one laughed. Ashley cried. It was dramatic and painful. But it didn’t end there. The bachelor whom Ashley had set her affections on decided to leave because he didn’t reciprocate her feelings. She was devastated as we all enjoyed watching her grueling ordeal.

Ashley wept and cried for most of last night’s show. Listening to her process her emotions through this maelstrom of sorrow, I realized something.

Ashley needs a rose.

It dawned on me in that moment. Those guys aren’t the only ones afraid of elimination! Although Ashley holds total power as the bachelorette to send them home, she herself dreads the rejections she fears is coming. But isn’t that all of our stories?

That’s precisely why I got caught up in watching last night’s sappy episode. I, too, have this deep fear that somehow all of the people in my life are being nice to me by not telling me how they really feel. I’m terrified that if they confessed to me what they really think, I would learn that I am a disappointment to them.

I need a rose. I need to know that I’m safe from being eliminated.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (NIV)

What’s so hard for me to believe is this: I was accepted before I knew I was on the show.

Do you sometimes fear that you are a disappointment? How do you overcome that fear?

 

Weddings and Bull Rides

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This weekend I will be officiating a wedding. Two lives will be forever altered, never to return to the old way of living. The two lovebirds assure me that they are ready for this massive change, but my three-year-married inner skeptic doubts their ability to comprehend the magnitude of this impending commitment. Why the skepticism? Because I thought I was ready…

As ready as a rookie cowboy in the chute gripping the bull rope as the beast stomps madly beneath him. It’s impossible to know all of the malevolent forces waiting for you in the ring once the gate opens, but there is one secret that everyone watching bull riding can tell you that will ensure the cowboy’s success (possibly save his life). He has to hold on to the bull rope!

Staying on the bull for those eight eternal seconds hinges on that rope and how desperately the cowboy grips it.

In my Focus Group, we are teaching a series on romance and marriage called The Vow.  The wedding vows that I gave to my wife October 12, 2007 were the rope I gripped while in the chute. These were the commitments that would ground my decisions for the rest of my life. Though battered by a barrage of unexpected twists, turns and kicks, my vows secure me to the destiny I’ve determined to follow–all eight seconds of my life.

The first vow we make at the altar is The Vow of Priority. You may not have used those exact words, but the vow was made nonetheless. Consider the words my happy couple will be repeating after me this weekend: “…to love and to cherish until death do us part.” To cherish something means to make it the priority of your life! Whether I understood it or not, when I said those words, I vowed to make my wife the priority of my life, besides God Himself.

The implications to this vow are Gigantuous! Yeah, I made that word up, although I’m not the first to use it. The following questions are helpful in wrapping one’s brain around this commitment:

What are the top three relationships you value most in your life right now? What three activities do you give the most time to in an average day? Do your activities support the relationships you value most? If so, how? If not, why do you think that is?

For those of you who are married, answering those questions can be scary. If I’m married but pursuing and loving my wife is the activity I pursue the least in my day, than we have become nothing more than roommates, sharing space in the house but not in the heart. Ask yourself this question:

If someone, who didn’t know you, observed all of your daily activities last week, what would they conclude are your top priorities?

By the way, no one looks good on the bull. The champs mount the bull to ride the full eight seconds, not win popularity contests. We’ve all got work to do in keeping our spouses the priority in our life.

Are there specific changes you believe God is calling you to make so that he remains your number one priority and your spouse the second? If so, what are they?