Book Review: Everyone Communicates Few Connect

Posted on March 28, 2010 by josephmcole

There are only a few books each year that I mark up and try to apply directly to my life each year, and Everyone Communicates Few Connect by leadership expert John C. Maxwell is one of them. The book is founded on the premise that every leader is talking, but that does not guarantee that the followers are listening. In order for them to care about what the leader is saying, there must be a real connection between leader and follower. Maxwell, in his typical outline style, shows us how to do just that.

The book has two parts: Connecting Principles and Connecting Practices. In the first part of the book, John shares what he believes connecting is and what must happen for a connection to occur. Some headlines in the table of contents here are “Connecting Is All About Others,” “Connecting Goes Beyond Words,” and “Connecting Always Requires Energy.” In this part, he gives personal anecdotes of his own journey as a communicator–the good, the bad and the ugly.

In the second half of the book, Maxwell outlines the many things a communicator can do that will ensure a connection between the speaker and audience. He breaks these practices down into three categories: 1) One-on-one communication, 2) Small group communication, and 3) Large group communication. This is the rubber-meets-the-road section of the book where I will be writing most of my notes. Some headlines in this section include “Connectors Connect on Common Ground,” Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys,” and “Connectors Live What They Communicate.”

Honestly, I’ve never been a John C. Maxwell reader. I have found all of his past bestsellers to be dry, interminable lists of things to do as a leader. Everyone Communicates Few Connect, however, was surprisingly warm and vibrant. It is full of stories and quotes from famous and not-so-famous leaders. In fact, Maxwell did something in this book that I’ve never seen another author do. He collected the input of his blog readers concerning the theme of his book and then peppered their responses throughout the book. A remarkable idea that gives the book such a personal, home-grown touch, I don’t believe anyone could read it and not enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: The only thing I get out of this review is the book that I reviewed. I participate in Thomas Nelson’s blog reviewer program, BookSneeze. If you are a blogger and would like to receive free Thomas Nelson books and then review them online, visit their site here.

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Crossing the Wilderness

Posted on March 25, 2010 by josephmcole

God called a lot of people into the wilderness. Some of them felt a tug at their hearts to leave the ordinary world and step out into the wild, and others were driven there by the trials of life. Two years ago, I sensed the Holy Spirit drawing me into the “wilderness” of writing. I’m starting to learn some things from the journey that I would like to pass on to you.

Me Travelin' Camel Style

The Wilderness is a lonely place. When God calls you into the wilderness, He calls you to go alone. Others won’t always understand you. They won’t always see why you are doing something. Remember that God called you out–no need to understand. Oh, and don’t try to drag your friends with you. If God hasn’t called them to trek through your Wilderness, they won’t stay for very long.

The Wilderness is bigger than you think. While hiking through the Negev in 2005, I realized something: The Wilderness can be deceiving. Things are always farther away than they look. When I first began learning how to write two years ago, I thought for sure that I would have sold a screenplay or published a book by now. As of the date of this post, I haven’t sold squat.

The Wilderness is full of miracles. In the Wilderness, Elijah heard the voice of God, Moses saw a burning bush, angels came and ministered to Jesus. God loves to show off His wonders in the Wilderness. Only in these times of barrenness will we experience the miracles of God’s hand. In my personal Wilderness, I have seen how God has lead me from story to story, provided for every need, and put me in relationships with people who are levels above me.

The Wilderness will shape you like no other place. Like I said, I haven’t made a dime off of my writing, and the masses have not been exposed to my art. In fact, I’m still struggling just to understand the idea of story. But I’ve learned a lot. Every day I learn more about who I am and who God wants me to be. This learning experience has shaped me in ways that I couldn’t begin to describe to you.

The Wilderness is full of life, if you know how to look. While in the Negev, our guide told us all to look down at the ground. He asked us, “What do you see?” None of us could make out anything! We were surrounded by rocks and sandy terrain. He then stooped down and picked up what looked like a wooden, gnarled hand. “This is what the Arabs call ‘The Hand of the Prophet.’” It was a desert flower that would open it’s “hand” and bloom every eleven years when a rain would come. When the rain went away, it would go into hibernation and wait for the next shower. Who would have thought this tiny ball of brown twigs had life in it? The same is true in our Wildernesses. God has his delights and treasures waiting for us under the crags and lifeless rocks, if we would take the time to find them.

Today, I am more energized and focused than ever before on what God has called me to do. I have found life in my Wilderness. I know you can too.

Are you in a Wilderness right now? What have you learned?

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The Introvert and the Inner World

Posted on March 23, 2010 by josephmcole

Last week, I read Ron Edmondson’s blog post “How an Introvert Handles Awkward Situations.” He said several things that were enlightening to me.

One thing middle age has done for me is make me more aware of who I really am and how I respond to life.

I’m not middle-aged, but I feel as though I am getting to know who I am, and more importantly, how I respond to the world. It takes experience and age in order to know oneself. It’s a journey for which we have to give ourselves time. I believe I am in the same boat as he is when he said,

…but I am coming to terms with how God made me. He made me an Introvert. In recent years I have come to terms with how the public side of me behaves in an extremely extroverted world.

The nagging suspicion has always pestered me that I am an introverted person. It’s such a burden when you have a calling to be a pastor, a vocation in which being with people is not only a prerequisite, it’s everything. At times, I’ve been deceived to think that I am an extrovert for the way that I perform in public. Most of the time, I am amiable, approachable and, on a good day, funny and engaging. I believe that this is the public side of me that abandons me “when not purposefully ‘working.’” The great revelation I had while reading Pastor Ron’s post was that these moments in which I am being a “public person” are short, temporary instances that are made to connect people to what is of utmost importance to me–my inner world.

The most important world to the introvert is his inner world. To the introvert, it is essential to have time in this inner world in order to have something to say to the outer world. If I haven’t had time to think, meditate or daydream, I feel empty of anything to give to anyone. Extroverts don’t seem to need this same amount of time tucked away in their thoughts.

The toughest challenge is finding a bridge between your inner and outer worlds. Without this connection, communication isn’t worth the effort. We often stumble our way through conversations because we are desperately searching for that connection between the person with whom we’re talking and our thoughts for the day. This is why introverts love art. Almost any kind of art is a direct link between the person experiencing the art and the inner world of the artist. No chit chat. No beating around the bush talking about the weather. We love connecting people with the inner world with which we are so fascinated.

Whether an introvert or an extrovert, the main thing we must strive to produce in our lives is a connection with other people. This is why being an introvert can a blessing to a pastor.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? How make the connection with other people?

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If I Were Back in College

Posted on March 21, 2010 by josephmcole

Ever thought of what it would be like to go back to your old college? What would you do differently at your alma mater if you knew what you know now? Here is a list of what I would do differently. I would…

Go rock wall climbing. I knew this guy, Mario, on one of my floors who was a rock wall climber. Really, he climbed about anything (Still does, if his facebook status is any indication.). One day as an RA, I had to have a talk with him on just why Christ for the Nations Institute frowned upon “buildering” on the Gordon Lindsay Tower (GLT). He invited me to go with him to this gym with an artificial rock wall several times, but I never went. If I went back today, I would take him up on the challenge and try my best. Even if I wouldn’t have reached the top, there is something about the climb that I missed.

Hang out at the Spanish school more. At Christ for the Nations, there is a school on campus that is the Spanish version of CFNI. I went there sometimes, but my fear of trying to communicate in another language kept me from going more often. Ahora, me da cuenta que la gente latina es una gente tan agradable, linda y rica en cultura. Me aceptaron sin reserva como un amigo y hermano a pesar de mis dificultades de comunicarme. Mucho de lo que soy y tengo, debo a la gente hispana. Cuando estaba en CFNI, me dio miedo estar con los hispanos, porque no sabía como portarme en su presencia. Ya no tengo miedo. Soy quien soy, y me puedo relajar porque me aceptan. De hecho, me enamoré con la gente hispana tanto que me casé con la mas bella mexicana que conozco, Ana Marisol.

Visit more international friends. I’ve been on several mission trips, but there is nothing like visiting another country with a friend. Most of the internationals I knew while studying at CFNI were upper middle class people like most of the Americans. When I went with my friends to their countries, I saw a part of the nation that I never did while on a mission trip because on missions we mostly focused on the poor. While with my friends, I could see the rich cultures, heritage and contributions of my friend’s country. If all one sees is the problems a nation faces, they are apt to be judgmental and close-minded.

I remember my first trip to Mexico. I went with friends. We went to Irapuato for a Marcos Barrientos concert called Encuentro 2003. I was the only gringo on the trip, and the only one who did not speak Spanish. While there, we stayed with the family of a girl named Belén. Her father was a professional in the city who had a beautiful home and all the comforts of the modern world. They treated us to a weekend of hospitality, rest and love. This experience gave me a respect and a love for the Mexican people that a mission trip could not have given me. You see, on a mission trip, you give what you have to the people you are visiting, but when you visit a friend, they give you what they have. Humbling and enlightening.

Log more hours in chapel and in prayer. When I think of the times that most impacted my life at CFNI, my mind always goes to the Institute Building (IB). This is where we held our chapel services and where many of our prayer groups would meet throughout the week. It was in the middle of the worship services that God would speak to me and it was in the middle of prayer that God would change me. The opportunities now to worship in such an uninhibited manner and to pray alongside so many ardent prayer warriors are few and far between. If I could go back, I wouldn’t miss a single Night of Worship, prayer vigil or chapel service.

Eat more Mexican food. Just try and find good Mexican food here in Ohio! Nothing like the Mexican food in Dallas, and certainly nothing like in Mexico.

Befriend more guys on my floor. During my time in college, I stayed in the GLT for about 3 years. It was an old Sheraton building with 10 floors. Perfect opportunity to meet some incredible men of God. Unfortunately, I allowed my insecurities and fears to keep me from engaging the amazing guys on my floor. They weren’t like me. They came from all different backgrounds and experiences, and that frightened me. I feared that they would reject me for being such a nerd. If I could go back, I would throw caution to the wind and invade their dorm rooms more often, have a dorm party or something!

I’m sure there are more things that I would do differently, but I can’t remember them now. What would you do differently if you would go back to your college days?

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Do I Connect with People?

Posted on March 17, 2010 by josephmcole

This week I began reading a book from Thomas Nelson’s blog reviewer site, BookSneeze, called Everyone Communicates Few Connect by John C. Maxwell (A review is coming, by the way. Keep an eye out.). It’s message is hitting me so hard, I had to get something off of my chest.

In the second chapter, “Connecting Is All About Others,” Maxwell explains how the connection that we are looking for as leaders and communicators starts with an honest desire on our part to care for the people to whom we are trying to connect. “Connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating.” It all begins when I think first of the person I’m talking with and myself second. Never more was this true of my role as a pastor.

So many times, I found myself communicating simply to “sell” a doctrine, lifestyle, policy, behavior, method or idea. If the people don’t buy into what I’m trying to sell them (e.g. prayer, Bible study, small group participation, etc.), I feel like a failure, and thus I am motivated to continue communicating the message. According to Maxwell, I’m not connecting with anyone. I’m merely communicating. No one cares what I have to say, because they know that I really don’t care about them. I care about being right, about selling the “product.”

People will allow me to connect with them when they know that I care about them, I can help them and that I am trustworthy. Every message I give must start with love for the people God has given me, not with my agenda. Every presentation I make has to pass the test of “Will this help them?” If not, it must be tossed. Time to start connecting.

I wish to change my motivation, and thereby change my communication to connection. Jesus connected with people. I want to do the same.

Have you ever served under a leader who communicated but never connected with you? What did you learn from that experience?

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